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I've been a vegetarian for over 5 years now and I find myself loathing the meat eaters around me. Even my closest family relatives I can't stop myself from despising.
I tried convincing them but I hit a wall every time I have a conversation with them regarding this subject and my dad loves mocking me every time he feel like it because it's 'hilarious' to him.
What's worse is the fact that my parents are farmers as well and I get to witness cruelty first hand and can't do anything about it.
I put myself on such a high horse and I'm not even a vegan yet; and still can't shake off the feeling of anger and the need to isolate myself from anybody that eats meat.
And of course I despise myself for the fact that I'm not a vegan yet. The only excuse that I give myself for not being vegan is the fact that at the moment I don't have a job and since I'm forced to live with my parents, I don't have too many options for feeding myself. Even that feels like a lie to me because I could try and cook meals that have no milk, cheese, eggs or honey but I'm JUST TOO LAZY TO DO IT.
So I don't even fight my own battles and still can't stop from being judgmental towards all the meat eaters around me.
I even distanced myself from a few friends that I have because of this issue and can't accept them as friends and respect them as human beings. I can't be a hypocrite and pretend that I still like them and respect them so I push them away.
So the big question is how do you deal with the people that are closest to you and who are still eating meat?
Please dont isolate yourself from others,we all need friends and family around us to function .Although i must admit living on a farm must be terribly hard for you...i suppose all you can do is show and teach your family as much compassion as possible .I dont think we all need to aspire to be Vegan ...Veganism is an extreme life choice and we can use dairy products from farms that treat their animals with love and compassion .
I have recently become aware of how awful it is to have a meat eater in my house as my daughters boyfriend has moved in with us (my daughter is my carer and also a veggie!) he cooks his own food and oh my goodness the smell is disgusting and makes me want to throw up ! ...we made him keep his dead animal products in the outside fridge/freezer,but unfortunately that didnt like it and has packed up !! so we have to put up with it in our fridge 4 now :-( . But the smell when he cooks is aweful...he moans when we ask him to keep the kitchen door open to let the stench out !!...why do they always think we are the ones who are weird and wrong and take the micky out of us?? strange . Any way my friend keep up the good work dont beat yourself up and try nd do a bit of cooking yourself you may be surprised and be very good at it and treat your family to the delights of non meat food !! ..good luck !
The problem with anger, is that you are the one who is being hurt not your family and friends. My advice is to set a fine example of how a vegetarian or vegan can live. If you get annoyed with them, theye will only have negative things to say about you and your life style. I have not eaten meat for over 35 years and yet have only just swapped cows milk for soya or almond milk and yoghurts. I also only recently stopped eating dairy cheese and maybe only just in the nick of time since I have discovered my cholesterol level is too high. Most countries now have lots of Vegan products available unlike where I live France! My husband who is not vegetarian probably only eats meat twice a week since he really likes the veggie food I prepare. I would prefer it if there was no meat in the house but that is life it is a compromise. Do what you feel is right and ignore what others chose to do, after all family and friends are important even if they live their lives in a different way. Anger will not change their views. Best wishes.
Thank you for all your replies guys! I tend to see things only in black or white when life is nothing but grey. But I feel like all of us have failed when trying to show the loved ones, how wrong, selfish ignorant they are. And that is something to think about for all of us.
I'm not talking about changing the whole world but we have to find a way and try to show the loved ones why they are terribly wrong and we owe to ourselves to do the best we can.
After we try our best and they still choose to ignore us then I think it's in our best interest to leave them behind and try to surround ourselves with people that CARE.
Otherwise, tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are. In my opinion there is no room for compromise when it comes to allowing your closest ones to keep perpetrating ignorance, selfishness and suffering.
Trying to force anyone to care and/or change will never work, and when it's people you love I think it's counter productive to do so.
To prompt such a huge lifestyle change, as well as a whole new way of thinking takes time. Lots of it! People are not going to suddenly change their mind and agree with you, no matter how well reasoned your arguments are.
If you care about influencing your loved ones, then I suggest a gentle subtle approach. You will gradually influence them, and they will come to the decision on their own.
Pam mentioned a lot about accepting that everyone is different, and I think it is important to respect your loved ones opinions. If you respect them, then they are more likely to respect your opinions too. They will be more likely to listen and understand.
No one every changes their perspective if they think you're TRYING to change it.
I live with my boyfriend, who eats meat. He is very supportive of my choice to be vegetarian, and I do not push him into doing the same. He loves the meals I cook, so he only eats meat a couple of times a week, and I know that he is influenced by my decision. One day he may decide to join me, but I know that if I confront him or try to change him, it will only cause negativity between us and won't achieve anything.
Part of showing love to each other is being accepting of other people's decisions, and understanding that we are all products of the society that we have been brought up in.
I am not forcing anybody to change. With my parents we have these discussions for years and they just aren't open minded and don't care about animal suffering. They recognize the fact that animals suffer but they just don't care.
It's hard for me to respect anyone's opinions when clearly these opinions originate from ignorance, selfishness and cruelty.
That's why I'm not even trying to talk about it with strangers; I'm avoiding it actually.
What I don't understand is how can you pick a boyfriend that's a meat eater. That raises a red flag. You need to sort things out in your own life before you can advise others when it comes to these matters.
I mean no disrespect, it's just the way I see things at the moment.
Wow. You were ASKING for opinions and advice, so I gave it. No need to be like that when I was just answering because you were asking.
My life is great thank you. We were both meat eaters when we met, and I have become vegetarian since. I'm not going to start judging him or stop showing compassion and understanding just because I came to this decision before he has.
My life is full of love, understanding, compassion and respect.
In my experience, we are more likely to have a positive influence on family members and loved ones when we show understanding and respect. I just wanted to share that.
If you don't agree, or are closed to the idea of showing understanding to people even when you disagree with their opinions and choices, that's fine. I was just sharing my opinions because you asked for them. There was no need to attack my life though, I didn't deserve that for trying to be helpful.
I see people that are on different journeys to us, not everyone is on the same wavelength. Just be aware you are advancing more spiritually and others have yet to catch up! I know its awful to put up with, but I find its best to lead by example rather than make people agree with you. In becoming vegan, its good to do it in stages and don't beat yourself up over it if you relapse, its normal! Start by cutting out cows milk (just the cartons, having it in tea, etc) switch to a dairy alternative and then after a bit cut out egg. I did this and gradually replaced each thing and it worked! My family all drink soya milk now and enjoy vegan products (we are all vegetarian to begin with, my dad eats a little bit of fish twice a month or so). This is why websites like this are good, as you can connect with other like-minded people around the world. x
Since you so freely judged me I have the right to judge you as well and it seems to me that you choose to live in the 'dream land' which is full of love and iada, iada, iada. Wake up and 'smell the meat coming from your kitchen'. I don't think you qualify to give advice on these matters and that's it. Why don't you leave it at that and move on.
But the thing is I didn't judge you, not at all. I said nothing about you personally, and just gave my opinions on "how to deal with meat eater" when they are your family. None of my comments were about you or your actions, you must have misunderstood.
I made no comments about you at all, so you had no right to attack me as a person when all I did was offer help that you asked for.
I don't live in a dream land, my life is very real. But I don't have to justify myself to you. From your unprovoked attack on me (someone who is offering support and help), I can tell you are full of hate. I truly hope that you find a way to stop hating everyone who thinks differently to you and so can live a happier life.
It is probably better if the conversation ends here.
Well said Amy :) we are all on different journeys, and not everyone can come to the same points at the same time. Showing those who haven't come as far on this particular journey understanding and gentle encouragement can make all the difference to them and their decisions!
You just can't let it go can you? I really doubt that you care about animals at all. Maybe you're doing this to lose weight, I don't know. Is that you in the picture with the elephant? And if that's you, where did you take the picture? At the ZOO? If the answer is YES then I proved my point. If not then I truly apologize.
I admit that I am at this point in life where I don't respect or like meat eaters and for good reason. I need to find a way to accept that because I was just like them not too long ago and I still am like them since I eat dairy every once in a while.
But just like Gary Yourofsky said this is a revolution and we need to really shake our conscience first in order to be able to lead others.
I am not there yet and you are neither so stop pretending to be someone you're not and move on.
Why should I "let it go" when you're not? And when I simply came on here to try to help you and be nice. I didn't judge you at all, I said nothing about you or your actions, so I think you owe me an apology for being so rude and offensive to someone who answered YOUR call for advice and help.
I am a vegetarian because I care about animals. I'm fairly new to it, but that doesn't make me any less of a vegetarian than you.
Of course that's not a picture from a zoo. Zoos are appalling. I volunteered at an elephant sanctuary a few years ago, and am very active in campaigning to stop the barbaric cruelty that elephants face all over the world.
You're right, you were like "meat eaters" not so long ago yourself, and I was only trying to help you to stop hating your loved ones by pointing that out. As another user said: when you hate people, you're actually only harming yourself.
I was trying to help you deal with these feelings positively, because it will be better for you in the long run. I wasn't attacking how you feel; I know it's easy to feel angry and I know it's hard to let go of it once you start to see the cruelty of the meat industry all of the time. It's heart-breaking. So I wasn't saying you're wrong for feeling like that, I was only trying to help you to start using it positively.
I'm not pretending to be anyone. I am who I am, and everything I've said about myself has been 100% true. I don't pretend to be perfect (I am FAR from that). I am not a vegan yet (although I will hopefully work my way towards that), and I know that I still have a long journey ahead of me. I was simply trying to help you to feel more positive in your approach to your family, and share my own experience of dealing with my family.
Perhaps you will understand that nothing I said was a criticism, and I was coming here to be helpful to you. I said exactly the same thing as other users before me, and none of them were personally attacked for those same views.