how to come to an agreement with a meat eating partner when you have kids?

so i went to a bday party with my kids and his..and he let the host give my 9 month old child cake and ice cream while i went to the bathroom. he agreed with me months ago about raising my kids vegan. but now he is changing his mind and saying " you gotta let some things slide..she is going to go to many birthday parties and have lunch at school or friend's houses." and then he says "he forgot that she can't have any" when that is all i talk about.  and i said NO ..its not going to happen. i am in control until she is of age to understand and make her own choices. i am getting frustrated  i understand what he means but i dont know how to fix something like that when the time comes? school and friend's house is easy..pack a lunch , a meal. same with family gatherings.. but what about other kid's bdays? i am still new..i don't know all the answers yet and it is making me doubt myself

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if  only I became a vegan BEFORE meeting him. he is my soul mate..i just wish he was vegan. 

That is very troubling. I am sorry that this happened. It's sad that certain loved ones can only be so supportive; they don't see the harm in what they are doing and promoting, which is why they aren't living the way we are. He should have respected what you wanted for your child, the same way you respect what his children eat. An easy fix might be bringing vegan nommies to the birthday parties, that your child can take part of and then it's off your mind :)! Your child will not only get to share but will have a safe treat to nom nom nom!

i know..I respect that he gives his kids (from another marriage )  meat related food. why can't he do the same with our children? i mean he supportive and willing to say what i can't say to people..as you know ;) but then on the other hand..he doubts about future events or school or the ice cream truck..etc.  

Hi, I'm in in the same situation and I feel I have had to give up on the idea of my kids being vegan for now, as my husband is a meat eater and he has said he will give the kids meat and dairy whenever I don't cook. Fortunately, he is quite lazy in the kitchen so the kids have a predominantly vegetarian diet. All I can hope is that when the kids are older they will see and understand the suffering of animals and follow the same path as me. I am already seeing my eight year old think about the food he is eating. So fingers crossed, my kids will be vegan eventually.

Maybe you just need to convince him first. If you are able to convince him to be vegetarian/vegan, then it will not be a problem. 

Show all the fact about how healthy of being vegan is. Good luck for you.

That's rough. I'm leaving my current relationship and hoping for a vegan partner in the future for that reason and many more. Amazing how fast your views of the world can change. I work with 0-3 year olds and it is so hard to feed them the terrible meat and dairy foods we have at work and even harder to watch my 9 month old niece be fed ice cream on a nearly daily basis. With so many people in these kids lives everyone wants to be the special one that gives them treats and it becomes so easy to make them "happy." It's disgusting. I think you need to be very firm with your husband, he makes a point, but it's just true if one is lazy and gives into the "norm." You've made the decision to make a difference, this is for your daughters health and your values, he needs to respect that.

If you guys aren't married or living together as a family then I think he needs to respect how you raise YOUR child. Like any other beliefs It shouldn't even be an issue.

I would rather see a sermon than here one...what I mean is live your life as an example and hope that it is good enough to convince your partner.  You can have all the facts and arguments that clearly show that you are right, but if you haven't reached the heart, it will only serve to put up a defensive response.  The more you argue, the bigger the defensive wall.  It takes patience.

As a mother, I understand your frustrations. While I would be uncomfortable making that decision for my son, you should certainly have say-especially when he is so young. Even a non-veggie 9 month old shouldn't be eating cake and ice cream... Maybe vocalizing your feelings to your husband will help regain his support. Let him know how important this is to you. Good luck!

Godddamn I would kill my boyfriend if he gave our kids meat or stuff like that. KILL HIM! but we dont have kids so it aint happening anytime soon hehe

If they are YOUR kids and not his I would find a new boyfriend, one that respects your lifestyle choice. As far as kids birthdays PLAN AHEAD always assume that there will be no veg any thing that way your always prepared for the worse this is especially important if you plan to raise your kids Veg. Give your boyfriend a list of what your child can't eat wallet size so he always has it but something tells me he knows but just doesn't respect you enough to care.

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