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Once in awhile I go to The Best of Craigslist when I need a laugh this one was cute from personals
It seems I have come to an impass with my time. My human requires a companion. He has become quite bothersome to my plans of household destruction. Thwarting my efforts to conquer the entire space. That's where you come into my devious plan. I wish for you to distract my human; take him out of the dwelling for periods of time so that I may see my plans come to fruition. With his attention off of myself I may go about my plans uninhibited.
My human is very tall by my standard of measurement. His strength knows no bounds as he lifts me with such carefree ease (this could become a problem for me one day). He also flaps his gums at me often, staring at me with his big blue eyes in a faint hope I am listening. I do enjoy his taste in moving images on the magic box though. A game of swatting an object into a yarn netting on frozen water. This game intrigues me.
While he does feed me (when I tell him of course) and give me endless enjoyment of cleaning up after my droppings, I do suppose he also requires some fulfillment apart from merely being my human.
Should you help with my efforts I will grace your lap with my presence and purr to my satisfaction. This is by far the highest regard one can give.
Until then human,