Hello :)

I've been with my partner for close to 10 years - more than 8 of those we lived together and during those 8 years I was basically an omnivore eating smaller quantities of meat.

I was never really a happy omnivore. Did it cause it was what I was brought up to do, and it's certainly the easier option in terms of preparing easy food/dining out. For the last about 16 months my partner and I have been living apart though in a distance relationship. I moved away for career reasons and to 'find myself'? And part of that finding myself has led to me becoming a vegetarian..

My partner is contemplating moving to the same city though so that we can live together again. He's on a ketogenic diet and eats meat at practically every meal (albeit usually a small quantity)! But I'm questioning where the relationship is to go from here. I've changed a lot since moving away.. I don't think my commitment to being vego is going to change and I'm not sure how happy I am being with a meat eater long term. But maybe that's being shallow. I used to be one after all and I was one when I met my partner.

My biggest concern though.. I don't know if I can live in an apartment where meat products are being cooked. Just the smell of it. I've lived with my partner since he's been on a ketogenic diet (he's been on it for years now and is likely to be on it long term), and it pretty means bacon and eggs for him for breakfast every day. Waking up to that smell used to drive me crazy!

The question - should I just learn to deal with it for the sake of the relationship? From his perspective he needs to be able to prepare breakfast at home. Buying the sort of stuff he has for breakfast out all the time just isn't practical.

Help!

I do love him. I just don't know that this compatibility issue is something that can be worked out.

Desperate to know what other people think

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I hear you.  Ofcourse, it's going to be difficult living with a person who is going to be "killing" several animals a year for his meals every day. Many couples do live like that with adjustments and compromises.You will have to have different pans, skillets, or cutting boards reserved for “meat only” prep. But, as I see it, it would create a chasm, because sooner or later your would want to stop cooking meat in your kitchen. .. Your hope lies in the fact that you have been together long enough for him to understand your metamorphosis into a person with ethical choices. Also,  the world today is moving towards a meatless diet, talk to him of your fears, assure him that you love him, and then let him know that it's going to a difficult choice, if it really boils down to choosing him or a meat diet, tell him that you'd help him to find enough of vegetarian protein sources, that you'd also give him time to transition but he should meet you half way in your efforts. 

I hope that I do not seem judgemental to you, but I was married with two children when I turned vegan and I did put my foot down in a lot of tricky situations. ..I also made it a smooth, albeit time consuming transition for all of my family, but I did it !  I started with categorically refusing to cook meat and then went on from there..Also I am the one who normally cooks, so I was in a position to give that ultimatum...

I wish you luck .. 

Thanks so much for your advice!

I flat out refuse to cook meat whether it's for my partner or anyone else. But that doesn't really help me in this situation (currently living apart we prepare our own meals and are used to doing that). I don't want to change him, and I think he will resent me if I try. I think if he ever quits meat, it's going to need to be a result of his own thought bubble.

I've read about some vegetarian-omnivore couples where the omnivore only eats meat when not at home (so at work, dining out etc). I think that sort of arrangement is one that I could live with. I like the idea of a 'cruelty-free' apartment, with the only animal products brought into the apartment being cat food. I'm uneasy with the idea of meat being cooked in my home. Part for reasons of ethics, part for the fact I don't want to have to smell it.

So I presented the idea of a meat free apartment to my partner and he doesn't think it's practical/won't compromise to that extent. I can see where he's coming from and that it's a significant change for him, but I'm just not comfortable with meat being cooked in my home. And unless I can find some other compromise (I'm not confident I'll find one), it looks like it could be the end of the line for our relationship. That thought really pains me.. but we're not sure where else to go

That is a sad thought...

We assume that, if the person only knew what we knew, they’d change. But, one should be open to knowing and understanding that any change is very easily doable if one focusses on the victims.

May both of you be happy. 

I have been married for 29 years , only used to eat chicken and fish , but now a full vegetarian . My son is a bodybuilder (so am I just a vegitarian one !) and my husband and son eat meat every meal. My son 6 meals a day . You just need to do your own thing if you really love the person, I try to convert them to even 1 vegetarian meal a day but they wont . It can cause arguments and I wish I could go to a veg restaurant sometimes but that wont ever happen as my husband couldnt buy a steak there ! Be yourself and state your life and eating style to your partner again. As for cooking and smelling meat , its nasty but I just do it .All the best x

All I can say is that this is very hard. I had no idea.... I use to be a meat eater and dated a vegetarian, no wonder he broke up with me....LOL. I have been with a different man now for 17 years he is a meat eater and I am not. I am so grossed out by the consumption and even the site of meat anywhere. This  is very hard for me. We may soon go our separate ways but not because of this. If I ever get involved again it would be so much better for me if I were with a vegetarian. I really hope and pray it works out that way for me. Good luck to you.

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